Steve Ignorant, Moby, Politics and Your Art

November 30, 2016

Just read this –

Moby Steve Ignorant Interview

I do not expect every band to be explicitly political, or care about exactly the same things, or to be eloquent… but to a very large extent either your band would like to give interviews like this or you’re in a band that I do not give a flying fuck about.

As an aside is there a better film about a band than “There Is No Authority But Yourself”?

Also… Harry Hill plus Paul Nuttall equals Moby in the photo at the top of the above article.


Riff Rock Records T-Shirt Part 2

November 30, 2016

And that was before we get to the tie-dyed crap it’s printed on.

Riff Rock Records T-Shirt

November 30, 2016

Google it.

I have two objections –

(1)  It would appear to me – not a lawyer – that this could be breach of copyright or trade mark or somesuch.

But more importantly –

(2)  It is horrifically shit.  As a stand-alone design its alright, but nothing special.  But it is not a stand-alone design.  It is clearly a tribute to / shameless rip-off of one of the most iconic logos of all time.  And in comparison it is not as good by a mile.  It’s like covering ‘Satisfaction’ and playing the main riff on an out-of-tune acoustic – or simply not bothering with it at all.

I would be ashamed to walk down the street in that monstrousity.


Two Words That Shit On My Soul: ‘Copy Approval’

November 30, 2016

Not my words, the words of the mighty Neil Kulkani on his FUNK blog.  Well worth following him, not least if you’re a hip hop or metal fan, but in this post from a few weeks back he speaks of what it is like to be a music journalist now… and hints at the ways in which so much journalism, and indeed the whole world, is going the wrong way.

Fuck You Neil Kulkani

The Two Best Ever Songs About Being a Bass Player?

November 27, 2016

Are these the two best ever songs about playing bass?  First I give you the mighty (and I mean mighty) Sack Trick.  They did a concept album about penguins going to the moon.  They did an album of KISS covers.  This is from their other album –

Sack Trick – I Play Bass

[Please note the best album cover of all time].

Then you have the Troggs.  Absolute genius –

The Troggs – Bass For My Birthday


A Question or Seven to ACM Guildford Bands

November 27, 2016

There are loads of ACM bands about.  I’ve seen a few live over the last few years, I’ve checked a few out online.  I love live music and ACM bands regularly play at Bar Thirteen and the Star, both of which are very close to my home.  These aren’t rhetorical questions – instead I would love you to convince me why I should make the effort to come and see your band live, or at the very least why I should listen to everything you’ve posted online a few times over.

I’m not some massive, influential blogger whose going to change your career with a good review.  But you never know, I might be able to help a bit.

Q1 – Why are you at ACM?

Q2 – What are you called?

Q3 – Why are you in a band?

Q4 – Why are you in this band?

Q5 – How would you describe your music?

Q6 – What are your hopes and dreams for the band?

Q7/8 – Why should I get excited by you?  Why should I buy into the whole package?

You are welcome to reply as a comment to this blog, or get in touch via –

Wild Eye Music Facebook Page

Wild Eye Music Theory of the Day

November 21, 2016

All bands should be judged against the Butthole Surfers.  If you are not more of a fuck you to society than Butthole Surfers you should give up.  The only exception is if you have a more childish song in your repertoire than Kuntz in which case I let you off and you may continue to play.

I am tempted to say that this post is a joke, then I hear how many bands are prepared to produce the kind of music that would have been described as boring derivative pointless boring shit for which the death penalty should be re-introduced if it had been made 25 years ago and I think I’m going soft.

Stop interrupting me, I’m trying to work.

Review of the songs on the first Rose Coloured Shitify Playlist RCR No.1

November 21, 2016

Bright start Estrons energy somewhat different angular yeah shame about horrific Patrons who suck monkeyballs aaarrrgghhhh can’t stand this fucking shit but I can stand slotface great voice and energy if rather indie indie indie nevertheless 8/10 which brings me onto the Tuts who are also indie indie indie 8/10 so now Tibet who I would like to hear play in Tibet (from here, no closer) kinda Marc Bolan only as musical as Donald Trump’s dirty stink-pipe fuck off Tibet cos listening to you I regret onto Nervus who sound alright til the cunt starts singing then it gets even worse when the music kicks in and I typed that before it did but I just KNEW only it turns out it doesn’t kick in it becomes even more of a sub-Foals abomination why weren’t this lot shot a birth I don’t like ItoldyouIwouldeatyou at all Vinyl Staircase are about as good as its possible to be whilst being fucking boring I mean that fuck me I’m being charitable Why Me I thought as I listened to Night Owls why don’t you ignore me not difficult actually Night Owls onto Slowcoaches who rhyme with go ‘roaches Japandroids have a stupid name and a damn fine sound but I have one album and this song shows me I really don’t need more Doe are alright not shite but not better than alright either really why bother the weird bit 1.35 in is nice actually, but fuck me I ain’t listening to this shit again to get to it met Foxe once in the ‘Spoons as it goes boys only not the young lady they described themselves as grunge which is the most ludicrous ludicrous self-description I have ever heard from any band ever sub-Foals again what are they thinking or are they not thinking wouldn’t mind seeing them live sometime though out of interest might be noisier and much much better can’t be worse The Big Moon are fucking dreadful fuck right off you boring cunts no not you Shit Present you’re not shit might have to check you out some more you’re alright but if I received a Quiet Lions CD for my birthday I would not regard it as a shit present I’d regard it as the biggest fuck you anyone had ever directed my way they even manage to do some shit foals cultural appropriation afro-beat uber-shite though even that’s not the worst bit about this fucking shit song but Warpaint are pretty good.

Will thnksfrthrvw thank me for my review of their PR piece on Sophie and the Giants at the Star?

November 20, 2016

I have mixed feelings about doing this review, but I kinda feel I have to.  I have some points that need making.  My apologies go out to Sophie and the Giants – in the normal course of events I would simply ignore you, but it would appear that you’re going to get caught in the crossfire a little.  Bit of luck no-one reads this blog.  Anyway, I am a little behind the times, I should have reviewed this job application for a job in plugging or public relations a couple of months back.

Rating – 0/15,000

Rating system explained – Only people who give ratings get ratings.  The first number is always a zero, and the bottom number is how many lines I would give them were I their teacher and they’d handed the crap in as homework.  “I must not give bands ratings cos it if fucking fucking fucking fucking pointless” x 15,000.  Get the fuck on with it.  Besides, when you’re doing PR it is even less appropriate to give a rating than when you are doing a review.  Which gets me onto a pretty key point.  Why on earth is this website called thnksfrthrvw not thnksfrthpr/mktng/plggng?  Why would you risk being decried as a shit reviewer when you’re actually a decent aspiring PR?

I will start with my comments on the tags.  In the post-truth world we live in “Talented“, “Experimental“, “Clever“, “Rock” are perfect descriptions of SATG.  “Hard Rock” might be utter bullshit but you might as well say it after all some brain-dead clusterfuck of a human might buy it and buy into SATG as a result.  But it is so far from the truth its post-post-truth isn’t it?  If Sophie and the fucking Giants are fucking “Hard Rock” then I am Beelzebub’s 48 ft long (when flaccid) penis and I fly through space propelled by the songs featured in the hit cartoon series “My Little Pony”.  My Little Pony is actually surprisingly good, probably my second favourite TV programme at the moment after the quite incredible Almost Naked Animals.  For those of you that haven’t seen it Almost Naked Animals is about a dog called Howie who runs a hotel and loves doing stunts.  Howie is smelly and stupid (I relate a lot to Howie, I think it might be because I once met someone who was smelly and stupid, I can’t think of any other reason why I would) and has a friend called Octo who is a scaredy-(octo)-puss who is always inking himself.  Bunny is PMTastic.  Narwhal is a fine lounge singer, Duck is just… Duck.  You really need to check out Duck.  I wish I had a friend like Duck.  Not the Duck from Sarah and Duck however, that Duck is a bit boring, though Sarah seems pretty chilled.  I wouldn’t mind hanging out with her, only I’d probably get accused of being a paedo even though she’s a cartoon and I am real.  Or am I?  Maybe I am a bot writing this, but bots are real too (apart from the ones who aren’t, obvs) so am I a real bot or am I am non-real bot or am I human, or am I a chancer?  You are fucking chancers, Flowers et al, and literally the only relatively good thing about your abysmal band is your silly jackets which make me laugh.

Anyway, to the point.  The best episode is probably the one where Howie gets fed up with waiting for his birthday, so he gets Duck to speed up time, which is great, apart from his birthday goes even faster than it comes, and his friends start getting pissed off as their hair and teeth fall out, they get wrinkly and their joints ache.

So, lets do this, line by line.

After a storming set at this year’s Always The Festival 2016Sophie and The Giants

Always the Festival?  You sure?  As someone who was not there I can promise all my readers that Sophie and the Giant’s set at Always the Sun was not “storming“, however storming is the right word for a PR to use to describe all live sets, so perfect.  It as unchallenging female-led indie-pop made by competent musicians with no imagination or passion, but obviously you’re a decent PR so you’re not going to say that.  Factual inaccuracy abounds in this puff-piece, but that’s the intension and its well done.

continue their winning streak with a set at The Star Inn in aid of Oxfam.

If 4th on the bill at the fucking Star in fucking Guildford (I love the Star and I quite like Guildford too, but…) is SATG’s “winning streak” then I really fear for them when their luck turns for the worse.  Surely as a PR you should be emphasizing their upward trajectory, not implying that this is them at their peak?

Since their set not so long ago at The Boileroom in May, the band have changed a lot.  Which is weird, considering how good they were from the get go.

Not so long” or “May“.  Not both.  Why would a band who were so good change so much?  My guesses are – “they haven’t” or “they weren’t that good to start with”, or both.  But from a PR point of you your words do make sense.  PR is about a pointless spouting of bollocks and it is bollocks you are spouting.

Their sound was always full to begin with, but somehow they’ve managed to create such a louder sonic experience in their live set now, that you can only hope will be a main priority to be captured in the studio too.

The Boileroom is a wonderful wonderful venue, but what you have just experienced is a louder and better sound at the Star.  Nothing to do with SATG.  Fact-a-fucking-mooooondogdo.

With a line-up change that’s really brought a more dynamic sound into the mix,

The Boileroom is a wonderful wonderful venue, but what you have just experienced is a louder and better sound at the Star.  Nothing to do with SATG.  Fact-a-fucking-starship-enterprise-captain-kirk-are-you-listening-to-me-spock-are-you-there-why-why-why-girl-from-mars-by-ash.  Hic.

the Guildford four piece have extended their sound from safe, melodic guitar led indie,

So they play “safe melodic guitar led indie” and you went to see them a second time.  Of course you did, you’re their PR / applying for a job in PR.  Even so it’s like saying “I was asked to review the Alt-J album and after listening to the first song I listened to the second”.  Actually, it’s like listening to the first one which no Alt-J reviewer should ever do, unless, perhaps they are going to kill themselves before they do.  That said I really enjoyed SATG’s new single “Matches” which has moved beyond “safe melodic guitar led indie” and is basically a bizarre minimal techno / metalcore / medieval-folk hybrid made using nothing but rocks from space as percussion and whale noises fed through a box of frosties for melody.  Back to the point – if you’re their PR and are just going to do your job and chat shit you really don’t need to have your ears polluted by actually listening to them do you?  Why did you go?

to near hard-hitting psychedelia – even showcasing power vocals against Marmozets-esque jagged, gritty hard rock breakdowns with the cathartic ‘I’m Fine’

Sophie and the Giants are to psychedelia what McFly are to hardcore punk.  If they’re hard-hitting then my bottom is an expressway to yr Catskills.  FACT-A-MUNDO.  Newsflash – I have just made the mistake of listening to a small clip from the show and it would appear that there may have been elements that were quite hard-hitting and a little psychedelic.  Like all good critics I will ignore this fact and simply re-iterate that you are talking nonsense.  Good nonsense that PRs are paid to write I hasten to add, not the sort of nonsense a shit music critic might write.

“A new found confidence beams from their live performance too, with singer/guitarist Sophie Scott playing facing opposite bright blue haired bassist Bailey Stapledon, and lead guitarist Ciaran Walsh consumed with the music, playing yearning guitar solos at the edge of the venue’s stage.”

Facing” or “Opposite“.  Not both.  The new found confidence was probably a confidence that the audience could hear them properly.  When you say Ciaran was “playing yearning guitar solos” [no idea what they are, but they sound really horrible to listen to – mark deducted for that] “at the edge of the venue’s stage” why did you not sayplaying yearning guitar solos with his back to the wall at the rear of the stage”.  Both mean exactly the same thing in a venue this big (small).  Besides, what is so great about being on the edge of the stage?  I once saw a band called Employed to Serve and their wonderful singer Justine (definitely less grating than Sophie’s voice) went INTO THE CROWD TO SING… can you imagine something as mega-batshit-crazy-assed than that?  Still, not the strongest bit of your press release but I have to accept that it does kinda work as PR.

[As an aside, I heard that when you wanked off someone called ‘Bailey’ a shot of Baileys shot from their spam javelin.  I might even start hanging round street corners offering BJs for a fiver in the hope I get a bloke with the right name, though when I last did that I never got any Baileys so maybe I was lied to or there are simply so few people called Bailey that you can suck off a shit load of men and still not get drunk.  Or maybe since he dyed his hair you get a double, half Bailey’s and half blue curacao.  That would be filth.  Never mix the two.  Bailey’s should be served in the form of the double BMW – double Bailey’s, double Malibu, double Whiskey.  The drink of Kings.  The only way to drink blue curacao is in a “Prince of Darkness” which is basically a shit load of vodka and malibu and orange juice and anything else you can get your hands on, with a dash of cranberry juice and some blue curacao to turn it black.]  A Prince of Darkness is the drink of Princes.

“The future only holds good things for this band. They’ve managed to cleverly encompass everything people want from a rock band. They’re poppy and tame enough to be enjoyed by casual listeners, but their experimental nature crossed with their sheer talent means die-hards love them too. Each song is so well structured with classic pop song structures, but drenched in sounds, feelings and lyrics that you can’t really pinpoint on anything else.”

I have never read so much nonsense in all my life, but I have to say well done, some people are likely to buy it.  Factual accuracy – negative.  Half-decent PR – affirmative.  I shall highlight the factual inaccuracies which in no way should be taken as criticism of your abilities in PR.

(1)  They are a decidedly average and exceptionally boring band who seem to think that competent musicianship is a good substitute for personality or passion.  It is not.  They are going nowhere fast, and that is a promise.  Personally I would not review SATG because I avoid slating local no-hopers (unless they are rascist or sexist or otherwise ask for it).  I’ll only review shit big bands like U2 and Alt-J and Radiohead.  But this is not a review of SATG, it’s a review of a PR piece because I want to be THANKED.  It is a fact that the whole point of a review is so you can get thanks by the person you are reviewing afterwards.  Jasleen – you are not bad at PR and I expect thanks for telling you this.   Just to make things clear.

(2)  They are not clever and they do not encompass a single thing that I want from a rock band.

(3)  They are tame, I’ll give you that.

(4)  What is a die-hard?  Please point me to a song or part of a song that demonstates either their experimental nature or their sheer talent.

(5)  “Each song is so well structured with classic pop song structures, but drenched in sounds, feelings and lyrics that you can’t really pinpoint on anything else.”  Nope, absolutely no idea WTF you are on about, though I must admit that if they are a band whose songs are drenched in “sounds” then I really ought to check them out.  I have spent far too long listening to nothing but bands whose influences were 4’33” by John Cage.  Full stop.

(6)  They are boring indie-pop for boring people of all ages.  I should say for boring old farts, but the best I can work out is the current younger generation has a big “boring” problem too.

(7)  “Their sound was always full to begin with, but somehow they’ve managed to create such a louder sonic experience in their live set now”.  IT.  IS.  THE.  VENUE.

And another thing.  The song Lord Knows.   It’s not too bad actually, SATG are not that bad really if you’re into that kind of thing.  Which I REALLY am not.

And back to the fucking tags.  Sophie Scott, not Sophie Scorr.  HTH.  Perhaps proof reading is not a good fall-back opton if PR doesn’t work out.

TLDR – not bad, you do have a future in PR, but why on earth would you risk someone erroneously thinking that anything you do bears any relationship whatsoever to a review by virtue of your website name?  A review and PR are completely different things, and were I to judge your PR work as a review I would have to be extremely critical.

Skinny Girl Diet – Pretty Song

November 16, 2016

Its been 6 weeks now.  Time to bang on about Pretty Song by Skinny Girl Diet again.

This song is fucking great.

Bottle of London Pride (seriously – I am that generous*) to anyone who can point me to a song released in 2016 that is better.  I am confident that I will be drinking the fucker myself.

* must be prepared to meet in Guildford to collect.