Archive for November, 2012

Chain and the Gang, London, Friday 30th November

November 29, 2012

I have only just seen that this is going on… I implore you… you must go if you can, Ian Svenonius is a genius.

It’s at the Lexington, London, tickets on


Alan Jackson – Where I Come From

November 28, 2012

Where I Come From – Alan Jackson

A million miles from being brilliant like Austin or I’m a Survivor, but some country-pop  fun of the highest order nevertheless.

Future of the Left – The Plot Against Common Sense

November 27, 2012

Future of the Left – The Plot Against Common Sense

“Sheena Is A T-Shirt Salesman” – 10/10.  Genius.

“Failed Olympic Bid” – 9/10.  Good but not great.

“Beneath The Waves An Ocean” – 0/10.  This is could be a song by some shit mid-1990s ambient band or pretentious post-rock outfit.

“Cosmo’s Ladder” – 8/10.  Maybe deserves more but I don’t get it.

“City Of Exploded Children” – 8/10.  Maybe deserves more but I don’t get it.

“Goals In Slow Motion” – 3/10.  Makes me think about Match of the Day, which makes me think of Lineker, Hanson and Lawrenson, which makes me sad.

“Camp Cappuccino” – 8/10 again.  Good, but not the highest standards that Falkous can manage.

“Polymers Are Forever” – 9/10.  Nice.

“Robocop 4 – Fuck Off Robocop” – 11/10.  As good as it gets in the history of popular music, or is this just a sign that I like swearing?

“Sorry Dad, I Was Late For The Riots” – 8/10.  Again, a very catchy title!

“I Am The Least Of Your Problems” – 7/10.  Decent enough but it ain’t no “Alan is a Cowboy Killer”.

“A Guide To Men” – 7/10.  Again, reasonable but nothing special.

“Anchor” – 1/10.  Boring.

“Rubber Animals” –  6.5/10.  Better than many bands manage, but its nothing special.

“Notes On Achieving Orbit” – 7/10.  A reasonable but slightly disappointing end to the album in terms of song titles.

I hate Alt-J with every ounce of my being / Mercury Prize in the Guardian

November 2, 2012

I now know more about Alt-J

They’re called – “Joe Newman, Thom Green, Gus Unger-Hamilton and Gwil Sainsbury.”

Inverse snobbery or not bands who feature members called Gwil, or Thom with an ‘H’, or with a double-barrelled surname ARE ALL SHIT.

“Alt-J – whose name comes from the shortcut for the delta sign on a Mac keyboard – looked less like pop stars and more like recent graduates as they accepted their award with thanks to their parents and “team Alt-J”.

Where to fucking start?  What is more repellant and better evidence of their cuntiness and musical irrelevance – the delta sign name or the fact they can’t even be arsed to look like pop stars and think ‘recent graduate’ is an appropriate look for a band?  Tossers.

“But despite promises to spend the £20,000 winning cheque on a slap-up meal for their parents – who would have to be shipped in from France, Harrogate, Cornwall and Southampton”

Why not fly ’em all over on daddy’s private jet for a slap up meal in the family pile in Provence?

“The Maccabees gave a solid rock performance”

And they’re cunts too.

“Special applause was reserved for the jazz act Roller Trio, who floored the room with their squawky saxophones and urgent cacophony of sound.”

Glad everyone appreciated their one attempt at listening too challenging music all year.

“Paul Scaife – “Alt-J have some fantastic songs and are controversial enough to make the choice valid.” “

FFS. I’m off to commit genocide.

Alt-J Norwich Waterfront 30th October 2012

November 2, 2012

Alt-J are a pretentiously-named band from Leeds, formed around 5 years ago.  They’ve released some records, played some gigs, that’s about every single thing that you need to know about them.  Oh yeah they won the Mercury Music Prize a couple of days after this gig and they believe in censorship, and silencing their critics, even when their critics are not even big critics.

Or maybe they’re just shit and don’t want anyone wtih a brain to see them live and put finger to keyboard.  They are paranoid and fearful of bad reviews, scared of interesting and erudite reviewers (I’m not talking about myself here), fearful of what is genuinely alternative and innovative.  They produce coffee table music for the unthinking masses, and for uninteresting people everywhere.

Anyway, after the support Alt-J take the stage to some applause from the crowd.   I think they played ‘Breezeblocks’, ‘Tessellate’ and ‘Something Good’ (no it wasn’t).  They played a load of songs from the album.  A bit of middle-aged, middle-class electronica does not make a tedious middle-of-the-road indie-lite band anything other than a tedious middle-of-the-road indie-lite band and every clap and every cheer just makes me realise what a bunch of numb-nuts their fans are.

And yet their stance on censorship (refusing entry to the mighty Simon Price to this very gig) betrays a totalitarian lack of tolerance shared by evil warmongers throughout history, from Hitler to Stalin to Blair.  It would be no exaggeration to say that Alt-J have done their best to set up their own (albeit slightly smaller) propaganda machine based on Glavlit, which has ruined the careers of thousands of music journalists around the world, causing their families no end of suffering, from feelings of inadequacy to the starvation of their children.  Basically the effect of Alt-J on music journalists is something akin to Stalin’s purges, Hitler’s propaganda machine and that famine in Ethiopia that Geldof sorted out rolled into one.  It is so bad that – at the risk of over-doing it – that I feel compelled to say that there is something of the Mandelsons about them.

Basically… I’ve never heard a good song by them, they are tedious middle of the road except in their extreme rightleftwing authoritarian politics.  In accepting a prize given by Barclays they are actually responsible for the last 5 years of economic calamity and are as bad fat-cats as any banker and they certainly fall into the M-People / Elbow type of winners, not the PJ Harvey / Hegarty camp.

Alt-J – you could have had a Simon Price review, instead you chose this one.

ps – writing this review reminds me of the last time I was in Norwich as it goes, I was a young child and we saw Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee in the street.  This was the 80s and it was dead exciting.

Jessica Andrews – Who I Am

November 2, 2012

Yet more country from 10 or 12 years ago…