I hate Alt-J with every ounce of my being / Mercury Prize in the Guardian

I now know more about Alt-J


They’re called – “Joe Newman, Thom Green, Gus Unger-Hamilton and Gwil Sainsbury.”

Inverse snobbery or not bands who feature members called Gwil, or Thom with an ‘H’, or with a double-barrelled surname ARE ALL SHIT.

“Alt-J – whose name comes from the shortcut for the delta sign on a Mac keyboard – looked less like pop stars and more like recent graduates as they accepted their award with thanks to their parents and “team Alt-J”.

Where to fucking start?  What is more repellant and better evidence of their cuntiness and musical irrelevance – the delta sign name or the fact they can’t even be arsed to look like pop stars and think ‘recent graduate’ is an appropriate look for a band?  Tossers.

“But despite promises to spend the £20,000 winning cheque on a slap-up meal for their parents – who would have to be shipped in from France, Harrogate, Cornwall and Southampton”

Why not fly ’em all over on daddy’s private jet for a slap up meal in the family pile in Provence?

“The Maccabees gave a solid rock performance”

And they’re cunts too.

“Special applause was reserved for the jazz act Roller Trio, who floored the room with their squawky saxophones and urgent cacophony of sound.”

Glad everyone appreciated their one attempt at listening too challenging music all year.

“Paul Scaife – “Alt-J have some fantastic songs and are controversial enough to make the choice valid.” “

FFS. I’m off to commit genocide.


9 Responses to “I hate Alt-J with every ounce of my being / Mercury Prize in the Guardian”

  1. ReverseSnob Says:

    Could you be more pretentious mate?

  2. Colin Cockbreath Says:

    Very well put. A bunch of upper middle class hipster cunts making music for upper middle class hipster cunts. To quote Nicky Wire(another cunt) “I hope they all get AIDS and die”.

  3. GR Kelly (@jiyahkelly) Says:

    Yeah, stop arranging words to describe things! Stop perceiving stuff!

  4. wildeyemusic Says:

    Thanks GR.

  5. museified Says:

    Yeah! And you probably think Radiohead is a good band.

  6. kalleyboe Says:

    I can’t believe the fact that their arguably most popular song, Fitzpleasure, is about brutal gang rape that ends up killing a girl isn’t on your list!

    • wildeyemusic Says:

      It’s not on my list because I do not know any Alt-J song titles and certainly not any of their lyrics.

      I have just googled the lyrics and the meaning of them… what is wrong with the lyrics? They seem to refer to a chapter of a book. I would argue that gang rape is not a very good subject for a song unless you are doing it from a positive point of view (ie, how can we stop it, how can we fight it?), but then again I would not immediately dismiss a song (or story or whatever) purely for the subject chosen. My suspicion is that this song does nothing positive (its a bad thing), but is it actively a bad thing? What does it mean? What does it mean to you?

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