John Mayer – A Retrospective

I read these few words that someone wrote on the net in 2013.  I can’t be arsed to link the full article, and I certainly can’t be arsed to read it all.  Actually that someone is James Hamblin – I was gonna slate him but judging by the articles he writes he might not be a complete moron, simply someone who hates and knows literally nothing about music.

Actually, I am gonna slate him, in three sentences he reveals himself to have no idea about art or how to be a respectable human being.  Quite impressive, not least as I can discern this despite knowing next to fuck-all about the guy he is writing about.

“If you’ve never seen Mayer play blues guitar — and I say this because it’s true, even though I think superlatives are the worst — you’ve not seen the man who is objectively the most talented guitarist in popular music.”

Anyone who says someone is objectively the most talend guitarist in popular music is a prick.  Music is not objective.  Talent is not objective.  You are not objective.  And if it was possible to be objective about talent he sure ain’t no Greg Ginn, I can swear that with certainty despite never having heard this Mayer person.

“Anyone who’s not in some way attracted to or impressed by his talent does not understand music.”

FACT – I am in no way attracted to or impressed by his talent, and I objectively understand music, literally — and I say this because it’s true, even though I think superlatives are the worst — A BILLION, MILLION, TRILLION, SENSIMILLION TIMES MORE THAN YOU.  I bet you don’t even know who They Go Boom! were, cretin.

I understand that music is about all sorts of things but it is not about talent.  Well it is about talent, but the talent is producing something that changes the course of music history, or inspires people, or connects with people, or says something important, or makes people dance, or makes people smile, or all sorts of other things that do not rely on being in the top 1,000,000 guitarists in the world, let alone the top 1 (allegedly, fucking bullshitly more like).

Plenty of musicians have lots of technical ability – a completely different thing to talent.  This techincal ability often enables them to maximise their talent, but it is vastly less important than their talent.

“Or, or — and it really seems this does happen — they hate him too much to hear it.”

You really are a fucking arsehole of the highest order.  I hate the guy because everything I have ever heard about him – musically – suggests he is a tedious, musically backward slab of boring, middle-aged (at best) pointlessness.  It is only reading your fucking shit that lead me to google further and discover that he is likely a sexist, rascist, homophobic, up-his-own-arse, mega-twick as well as being a boring boring, boring boring, boring guitarist for people who have cloth ears / no taste / no personality AND an incomplete SOUL.  My hatred of his music has nothing to do with the fact I have subsequently realised that I have to hate him as a person as well.  Stick that in yer pipe and smoke it, Hamblin, and stick to writing about things you know about like something else other than music.

And you honestly think that it reasonable to criticise someone for turning away from a pathetic example of humanity, because they are a pathetic example of humanity, and that instead you believe they should acclaim the person’s technical gifts (which do not even translate into anything of artistic merit).  You know what I think?  I think that those people who walk away from the good things in life (as you falsely assert this Claptonite sewer-weasil is – why are all blues guitarists such arse-wipes – no need to answer that) out of principle are actually the ones that deserve the praise, not those who overlook bigotry so they can hear a well-played melody.

You are clueless Hamblin, utterly, utterly clueless.  Give up, please.

And John Mayer, you can fuck off as well, just in case anyone thought I’d forgotten the abomination that is your msuic and personality / the point of this piece.

Fucks sake.


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